Laura Erickson's For the Birds

Last week, my book publishers, in a continuing effort to treat me like a writer of national stature, sent me to the American Booksellers’ convention in Los Angeles. I added five birds to my life list, and even better, got to meet Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer whose column appears throughout the country, including in the Duluth News-Tribune.

My association with Dave Barry goes back to 1990, when an owl fell through the chimney of some friends of mine and demolished part of their house. It turns out that standard homeowner’s policies don’t cover wildlife damage. I asked insurance agents whether it’s covered when a Ruffed Grouse flies through somebody’s window, and they said no. Now it is covered if a kid throws a rock through the window, so how about if a kid throws a Ruffed Grouse through the window? They all laughed, but none were sure so they referred me to insurance adjustors. Without exception, each one instantly demanded, “Why do you want to know?” When I wrote to Dave Barry about humor-impaired insurance adjustors, he sent back a postcard asking if it’s covered if you shoot an insurance adjustor and he bleeds on your furniture.

Then last fall when my book came out, one of the more aggressive marketers at my publishers kept pressing me about what famous people I knew, saying I must know somebody famous. When I finally blurted out that I once got a postcard from Dave Barry, she jumped on it and was going to send him the book as one of my “correspondents,” with an official comment sheet. I knew he wouldn’t have the foggiest recollection of who I was, so I offered to send it myself. He actually sent back a note saying:

This book is invaluable. For example, it states that as many as 1,600 tapeworms have been found in a single duck. This is the kind of information I use every day.

I was so grateful that I sent him a nighthawk’s tapeworm in a vial, tied with a bow.

So last week I found myself in Los Angeles in a long line waiting to get a book signed by Dave Barry. I also wanted to thank him personally for endorsing my book. I hardly got a word out when he saw my name tag, grabbed my hand, and announced, “You’re the one who sent me the nighthawk tapeworm! Wow!” You could tell that everyone in line was devoutly wishing they too had sent Dave Barry a tapeworm.

Yes, as I long suspected, intestinal parasites from birds have far more uses in a wide variety of social situations than most people realize.