Laura Erickson's For the Birds

Yo, this is Jim Baker. For the birds, will not be heard today so that we may bring you this special program, “Christmas with Jim Baker,” starring me, Jim Baker. My guest on this year’s Christmas with Jim Baker is Martha Stewart.

MARTHA: Hi, Jim. I’m so happy to be here today to tell you all about—

JIM: So, Martha, what’s it like being married to the famous Jimmy Stewart?

MARTHA: Well, I’m not Jim. I think… I’m afraid Jimmy Stewart’s wife died.

JIM: You mean you got famous just by doing all this fancy decorating and cooking stuff? What a country! So what the heck do you know about Blue Jays?

MARTHA: I simply love Blue Jays, Jim. They’re such an aesthetically pleasing bird with those exquisite shades of blue, the delicate white feathers around the eyes, and that jaunty little crest.

JIM: Yep, nature’s perfect bird.

MARTHA: But we don’t view Blue Jays in a vacuum. You have to consider the aesthetics of the surroundings to create an atmosphere worthy of Blue Jays. For example, try decorating your feeders with this delightful blue jay pleaser. See? I’ve strung tiny lights on this pine cone and sewn in blue and silver sequins, the right color combination against Blue Jjay plumage. Then, for an interesting contrast, I’ve placed a rosette of red holly berries on the tip. Now isn’t this lovely?

JIM: Are you kidding?

MARTHA: Also, Jim, I paint all my bird feeders eggshell white or ivory. They set off Blue Jay colors to perfection. Let’s see your feeding station, Jim....Oh, my, you have a very interesting color scheme.

JIM: Well, painting’s a waste of time. If God meant wood to be aesthetically pleasing, he’d have covered trees with tiny little sequins and lights instead of good old leaves.

MARTHA: My goodness, Jim, what is this?

JIM: Well, that’s a piece of old plywood that I set on a rusty oil drum. Makes a great feeder, plus it beats lugging the junk over to the dump.

MARTHA: It’s a bird feeder?

JIM: Yep, filled with Baker’s Blue Jay Blend, the right choice for your jays.

MARTHA: Baker’s Blue Bay Blend? What’s that?

JIM: What planet do you come from, lady? Baker’s Blue Jay Blend is the best Blue Jay feed in the universe. It’s filled with peanuts, egg yolks, sunflower seed hearts, fried insects from my bug zapper, ground up baby chicks… Yep, blue jays salvate over it.

MARTHA: Speaking of recipes, I have a lovely one here that is sure to please the most finicky Blue Jay. First, you take your double boiler.

JIM: Double boiler?! Get real, Martha.

MARTHA: Well, yes. You melt a pound of suet on the top pan of the double boiler, and then you mix in two and a half cups of peanuts, two cups of sunflower hearts, and a cup and a half of raisins.

JIM: Raisins?! Blue jays don’t like raisins.

MARTHA: Well, of course they do, Jim.

JIM: Wanna bet?

MARTHA: Well, why don’t we try a little experiment? Let’s put your—you call it Baker’s Blue Jay Blend in one feeder and my very own Martha Stewart Holi-jay Special in another feeder, and let’s see what happens.

JIM: You’re on, lady. And while we wait, here’s a holiday message about Baker’s Blue Jay Blend, building better Blue Jay bodies 12 ways.

SONG:
Elegant Trogons are far away.
Passenger Pigeons are past.
Christmas Blue Jays are here today,
Bringing joy that will last.
Have yourself some merry little Blue Jays,
Help their hearts be light.
Baker’s Blue Jay Blend
Will keep them in your sight.

Have yourself some merry little Blue Jays,
Be they straight or gay.
Baker’s Blue Jay Blend
brings them from far away.

Here they are as in olden days,
Happy golden jays of yore.
Faithful birds who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years our jays will be together,
If our feeders allow.
Hang that Baker’s Blend upon the highest bough.
And have yourself some merry little Blue Jays now.

MARTHA: We’re back at Baker’s Blue Jay Barn. Unfortunately, Jim Baker isn’t feeling very well right now. Injaygestion, perhaps?

JIM: Very funny, Martha. Well, folks, it turns out Blue Jays do like raisins. Who’da figured? Means I’ll have to start throwing some more ingredients into my cooking vat. So head up to Baker’s Blue Jay Barn for some of my new, improved Baker’s Blue Jay Blend, the right choice for your jays.

LAURA: And for Karen Keenan, John Keenan, Deb Shubat, and all of us at For the Birds, here’s wishing you all a Veery Jayous Owliday.